Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
