i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
