whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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