I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
