theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
