if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you traded sex for a burrito?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
