I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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