she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
