her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
