I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
