is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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