U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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