So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Damn victory sex feels great
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
