I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
