Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
