homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
