Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
