a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
