Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
