So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i dont even know how to be here
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
