I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
