Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
