Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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