he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
