never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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