Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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