I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
