im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
