So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
