I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
