its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The ass gains better be worth it
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