Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
