Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
