spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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