I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
