I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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