piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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