Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
