where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
how do you play pong handcuffed?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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