i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
