i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
