New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
