it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
