Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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