after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
