i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
