So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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