I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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