Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
