we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
