I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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