dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
