My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
