come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
